Tag Archives: heavy metal

Watch This Now: King Parrot – “Dead End”

“Over and over again, the scene’s all fucked with your dead end friends…”

What a relief. Back at the end of 2012, King Parrot assaulted the senses of Australia’s heavy music community with one of the funniest videos from the genre in years for their anthemic Shit on the Liver. Countless phrases from the video have entered the lexicon – ask around about Bonox, “the system” or being fucking ropeable. Naturally, I had high hopes for what would follow video-wise from these extreme metallers, and I would have been one of the very first people to click on the video for Bozo the second it dropped in my inbox.

It was a performance video.

Don’t get me wrong – a King Parrot live show is not to be missed. But I can’t begin to describe the heartbreak I felt when I realised that there was to be no characters, no ridiculous plot or any twists in the clip. Just a straight-up montage. It was because of this that I was a little concerned about bothering with the video for Dead End – they hurt me so badly last time. Thankfully, they’re back in the game – this might even be a better video than Shit on the Liver; and given that was one of my favourite videos of 2012, that’s saying something. It’s a pub party that gets about as wild as you’d expect when KP are involved – there’s a headbanging cameo from Randy the Puppet, a creepy cameo from the Spazzys sisters as the Grady daughters from The Shining and some crowdsurfing from the ever-reliable Youngy. Oh, and there’s beer. Like, a metric shit-tonne of beer. Welcome back, guys. Don’t EVER do that to me again, okay?

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Watch This Now: Battle Pope – “The Psalm of Barry Hall”

“Fuck it, fuck it all, fuck it all, OH YEAH!”

You up for something down and dirty to kick off your Tuesday morning? Yeah, probably not, when you think about it. But still, shut up! It’s totally a rhetorical question. Anyway, last month saw the official release of The Holy Trinity: Bitches, Dicks and Gonorrhea, the debut album from Sydney spaz-metal messiahs Battle Pope. If you hadn’t gathered from the names, blasphemy is the name of the game. Sexy, sexy blasphemy.

This, the band’s first video, was filmed both in a graveyard with a ghoul lady that just happened to be wondering around and in one of my favourite places in Sydney, Black Wire Records. They mix some cheesy faux-artistic graveyard wondering with their hyperactive miming – the latter so OTT that at one point, the drummer is just shaking the kit with his whole body rather than playing along. It’s about as much fun as you can pack into 90 seconds, really, and the band clearly had a blast putting it together. What more could you ask for? Party on, Battle Pope.

FEATURED FRIDAYS – Takin’ 5: Napster Bad

I’ve been a big fan of Metallica since I was an eight year old kid, jumping up and down on my couch screaming “GIMME FUEL GIMME FIRE GIMME DABIJABIZA!” With this in mind, I feel I’ve earned the right to both praise them and criticise them – particularly when it comes to their music videos. For every classic like One – their first-ever video – and the iconic EnterSandman, there’s a stack of other turgid clips that they have put their name to. It’s terrible, but also kind of entertaining. With this in mind, here are the five worst Metallica clips.

5. Frantic

Fresh from the Michael Bay school of “WOO SHIT’S BLOWING UP! AMERICA!” Lots of car crashes in slow motion,  as well as close-ups of James Hetfield‘s horrendous facial hair. Wash, rinse, repeat. Rubbish stuff.

4. Mama Said

In which our hero looks like a coon-shooting redneck, gets into a car, looks more like a coon-shooting redneck, plays guitar, looks even more like a coon-shooting redneck if that was even humanly possible and then… well, actually, I don’t think there is anything more to this video. Working title was Get Off My Lawn, Wetbacks.

3. St. Anger

In an attempt to reclaim their badass image, our heroes perform one of their worst songs to date in front of a bunch of dudes in prison. Riddled with cliches to the point where I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if the prisoners they do close-ups on were actors. Lame posing and a boring, tame video.

2. Until It Sleeps

Just so we’re clear: No-one in Metallica can act. That’s why One is such a good video – the acting is done for them. Here, we get to watch dolled-up Lars Ulrich doing his angry-old-man face, Kirk Hammett up on the crucifix (EDGY!), Jason Newstead covered in dirt and shouting and old mate Hetfield trying to show pained emotion but ending up just looking plain old constipated. That’s what the 90s will do for you.

1. The View

I have pissed off Hetfield to the point that he is going to start his own blog, entitled Yes, I Am the Table! Can’t wait for that. Before he does that, though, take a quick squiz at this hilariously bad foray into the avant-garde with 70-year-old Lou Reed. Lots of dirtiness, black-and-white shots, terrible facial expression acting and… I dunno… I AM THE TABLE.

Watch This Now: Mastodon – “Curl of the Burl”

“I put my hands around his throat, he tried to reason with the sky and the clouds…”

It’s time to get those balls a-trippin’ with a brand new clip from Mastodon. These dudes shredded it up on their last record, 2009’s Crack the Skye, and have had an excellent run leading up to the release of their new record The Hunter, which is officially instores now (it had leaked a week or two previously). Now, if you can handle it, join me in viewing the mind-fuck freakout that is their latest clip.

How to describe it? Part nightmare sequence, part acid trip and part Everlong by the Foo Fighters, Curl of the Burl sees the band take themselves out of the picture entirely and instead leave the story telling to a bizarre sequence of a dude getting high off tree cuttings. It all gets very, very fucked up and I’m not at liberty to spoil how it all ends up for you guys. I’ll just put it out there that you’ll still be wondering exactly what the shit happened long after you’ve watched this for the umpteenth time. Which you will – it might be completely mental, but it’s a fucking good clip.

Old Favourites: Van Halen – “Hot for Teacher”

“I think of all the education that I missed…”

The 80s is a fucking insane era of videos. Truth be told, I’d barely know where to start if I was to rattle off my favourite videos from this period – there’s some brilliant defining moments of pop culture locked into that era, from the epic Thriller to the unforgettable (for  different reason) Never Gonna Give You Up. One thing’s for sure, though – there is no way said hypothetical list would go past this deadset classic from Van Halen, where school couldn’t be cooler and the teachers couldn’t be hotter.

Let’s go back to 1984. David Lee Roth is an international sex symbol, Eddie Van Halen is the reigning guitar god and they’ve unleashed the mammoth 1984 album. How do you truly hit a home run when shit is this good? Simple: Create a defining video of both your genre and your decade. Join sweet little Waldo on his escapades back to school, as the new teachers parade about like super-models, mini-DLR rules the classroom and the real EVH does a motherfucking guitar solo while walking on top of the library tables. It’s cheesy as hell, and its legend was slightly tarnished when scenecore fucks Escape the Fate tried to copy it. But it’s a video that has stuck with me for years since I first saw it, and never fails to capture my imagination. CLASS DISMISSED!

Old Favourites: Metallica – “One”

“Darkness, imprisoning me, all that I see, absolute horror…”

I think we all deserve a bit of Metallica for lunch, wouldn’t you agree? As I’m writing this, I am literally eating Weet Bix for lunch – so I figured the faithful half-dozen readers of this blog deserved something a little tastier. This is the first time I’ve ever featured ‘Tallica on my blog, so I figured what better place to debut them than with their very first video?

One was seen as quite a ballsy move at the time by the band. A few albums in, many accused them of “selling out” by making a video – probably as many people that think that the band “sold out” with The Black Album. The reality of the situation, however, is that this was far more than a black-and-white performance video. One is a brilliant reflection on the song, particularly the mood and the intensity of it all. It’s a mix of the band jamming out the song (love the guitar close-ups in particular) and footage from the film Johnny Got His Gun. It can get downright disturbing at times, as the band soundtrack the central character’s downfall into madness. Complete nightmare material for me growing up – but now that the bedbugs don’t bite as badly as they used to, I can fully appreciate the genius of this video.

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