“I am a man, I am a star, I am here, I am what you want…”

And now, for the latest in Australian indie pop’s “floral shirt” epidemic, we head to Brisbane to watch the new video from fresh-faced twats The Jungle Giants. Floral shirters are looking to destroy the good name of indie pop in this country set by wonderful acts like The Lucksmiths and The Bank Holidays, replacing it with a nasty crew of Triple J-baiting gen-y LCDs (that’s Lowest Common Denominator, not a television issue at hand) that were not aware that music existed prior to Two Door Cinema Club. You know the type. I don’t need to elaborate much further. And before you cry foul over my love of Cub Scouts, I can guaran-damn-tee that Tim Nelson has more songwriting abilities in the dimples in his left cheek than the rest of these fucks have in their entire 45-kilos-s0aking-wet bodies. Now that we have that out of the way, let’s zero in on the video itself.

You’re probably thinking that I’m picking on the poor, defenseless Jungle Giants just because I think their music is uninspired shit. Sure, it’s kind of true, but that doesn’t mean the video for I am What You Want Me to Be isn’t already a piece of shit on its own accord. Really, this thing deserves credit unto itself. The thing is a complete eyesore, from the jolting cuts to the glarey colour scheme – for all the vacuous prettiness of the band themselves, they sure know to make an ugly video. The part I find the most contrived, however, has to be the running text during an instrumental break. The band are playing chess – how twee! – and the text tells the viewers to do such trite things as “Listen to Grace by Jeff Buckley,” and “listen to Abbey Road stoned,” before quoting Chaplin. Fuck, that arts degree is sure as shit paying off. Christ on a bike, I can’t stand this band. That said, next month they’re playing in Sydney with two very good bands – Bloods and Bec & Ben. So head along. But don’t stick around for the headliner.