Watch This Now: Sick Puppies – “There’s No Going Back”

“I was a dick when I was 17, I thought the world brought me everything…”

Remember 2006? What a time, hey. The fringes, the sing-alongs, the free hugs… oh yeah, there were Free Hugs alright! Remember Juan Mann? You don’t, but I do! The guy pretty much just went around Sydney with a sign saying FREE HUGS and gave out those hugs. For free. A montage was made of JM in action, and set to a tepid ballad called All the Same by Australian band Sick Puppies. Seventy million views later, both Juan and the Puppies had their fifteen minutes of fame lined up. So, what happened when it was up? Juan Mann retired in 2009 or thereabouts – yeah, you can retire from hugging. Sadly, Sick Puppies didn’t get the hint. They moved to America and became a wrestling-metal band, cranking up their fake American accents to the point where you could never tell they lived anywhere remotely close to Australia.

Here’s their latest. They’re now four records into their career, and into the full swing of being a soul-patch wearing, mmyeah-heayuh-slurring douche-rock band. And they’re into the ballad territory again with this piece of shit. The only thing more laughable than the faux-angst of the song itself is probably the green-screen-heavy video. Lots of sitting in the sand, grunting, posing, posturing, angst-ing, grumbling, smoldering for the camera etc etc etc. You get the idea. You’ve seen this shit before, surely. It’s pretty hilari-bad. Who is this music for, exactly? Those of us who yearn for the days of 2001? Seriously? I got nothing. Do with this whatever you will. Please dispose of it thoughtfully. This puppy needs to be put down.

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