Watch This If You Dare: Miley Cyrus – “We Can’t Stop”

“Everyone in line in the bathroom, trying to get a line in the bathroom…”

You might be wondering why I’ve used the above picture of Miley Cyrus as opposed to the pixie-cut blonde thing she’s got going on at the moment. Essentially, I’ve done this as a means of contrast to show you exactly how far off the deep end Miley is headed – or, at least, one assumes is her intention. It’s worth mentioning that she has literally JUST left her teens. No-one should be in this much of a rush to “grow up.” Sure, she was a child star. So was Mara Wilson, and she’s turned into a very funny, very smart and very respectable young woman. Apples and oranges? Maybe. But my sentiment remains – trainwrecks like these don’t normally come at such an early age.

The video for We Can’t Stop, Miley’s first proper single in quite awhile, is truly an imbalanced force of hell-reckoning. It’s got too many “funny” moments to be  a serious video, as well as too many straight-faced faux-sexy shots to be a comedy video. I have the same degree of difficulty with the song itself, never sure whether it’s the jam of the summer or whether it’s a hilarious parody of the lifestyle. I mean, what am I supposed to say here? Who actually throws parties like this? Wearing giant teddy bears as backpacks while wearing no pants? Creating a skull out of french fries? Arranging your alphabet soup to say “twerk”? I’ve seen experimental films with less surrealism going on. But there’s no symbolism, no deeper meaning. It’s just a series of shots that eventuates into a grand ol’ nothing. That’s it. What a nasty piece of work. I can’t even do a proper rant – I mean, how do you have something to say about a video that has nothing to say? Some people just try way too hard. Miley’s one of them now.

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