“I know you like my bumper, don’t be ashamed…”
Okay, before you ask, the answer is no. I literally could not find a better photo of Jennifer Lopez and Pitbull together than this one. I don’t know what that says about either of us, really. Anyway, let’s get on to the matter at hand. Remember the last time we covered a video by these two, and I mentioned that J-Lo was – for lack of a better term – pretty much too old for this shit? Yeah, that was two fucking years ago. Jennifer Lopez is 43. She’s somebody’s mother. She is not Madonna. There is absolutely no reason why she should be parading about like a woman half her age. This isn’t some women-in-their-place bullshit, either; I’m genuinely just amazed that J-Lo still feels a need to do this.
The video for Live It Up tries to make J-Lo seem as young and hip with the kids as ever. She has a cool phone! She gets texts from Pitbull! The text message includes a hashtag! That’s what the kids are using at the moment, aren’t they? Hashtags? Pound signs? That’s #cool, right? Oh, and then we cut to Pitbull – only 32, but looking far older – partying on the beach! There’s ladies! Pitbull loves the ladies, right? Wait… did he just say “YOLO” in his rap? AHAHAHA. They’re so down with the kids. The kids will love it. #yolo, you guys! We then head off to Jenny literally jumping through hoops to keep the kids entertained. This is… well, it’s excruciating, really. Anything with Pitbull is. But it’s made all the worse by Lopez not being able to let go. Come on, now. This is beyond a joke. I couldn’t even laugh at how bad this was. I was too busy cringing. You’ll do the same. MR. WORLDWIDE! HASHTAG! YOLO! LOL!