So, the Confession drama of 2012 was one of my favourite stories in Australian music last year. Actually, it may well have been number one. Here’s the 411: The four members of Confession that aren’t Michael Crafter (I dunno who they are, either) posted about how they’d kicked old mate out of the band and were starting anew. Crafter was all “yeah, nah” and decided to flip it around; kicking everyone else out of the band. He then posted an ad looking for new bandmates – with one of the requirements being that they had to go to the gym. I have no idea if that was self-parody at its finest or not, but more or less pissed myself laughing.
It gets worse, too. In the new line-up of Confession, it’s Crafter with a bunch of random little boys roughly half his age. One of them is D At Sea, a YouTube sensation who does sensitive-white-boy-with-acoustic-guitar versions of tough-guy songs like Parkway Drive and A Day to Remember. Here, he trades in his Pete Murray-esque mumbling for a full-blown faux-American accent to be the Aaron Gillespie/Brandon Saller/whatever of the band.
This video is our first taste of Confession mach 2. In a way, it reminds me of when Wolfmother started over – an embarrassingly bad replica of the past with none of the personality and not even any of the redeeming qualities of the original. Not that Confession were any good to begin with – but surely as shit they were better than this abortion? Australian hardcore hasn’t seen a video this abhorrent since those Endworld turds threw their misogyny into the ring – and the kicker is that there’s nothing remotely offensive about what’s going on here. It’s just so dreadfully cliche – DROWNING AS A METAPHOR! SLOW-MOTION BREAKDOWN BIT! – that it basically makes fun of itself. I truly want you to see this. Just once. Just to show you how bad things can really get when Michael Crafter comes to town.