“We can cry tomorrow, watching It’s A Wonderful Life…”
Should get this out of the way up top: DON’T LOOK DIRECTLY INTO JOHN TRAVOLTA‘S EYES IN THE ABOVE PHOTO. HE WILL TAKE YOUR SOUL, AND SECURITY WON’T LET YOU GET IT BACK.
Alright, now let’s focus here. Eyes down here, friends. We’re talking the horrific reunion of John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John today – specifically for a truly nightmarish Christmas album, imaginatively titled This Christmas. No doubt you’ve already seen some of the wreckage that this record has left in its wake, but it’s almost a given that nothing has been quite as glaringly evil and notoriously awful than the music video that the twosome put together for one of the songs from the record. Proceed with extreme caution.
Something I noted from the outset: Both of these guys are millionaires. Not quite in the same league – Travolta averaging about 160 mill, while ONJ is somewhere closer to 40 – but millionaires all the same. Why, then, did they decide to put aside maybe 20 dollars to make this video? Seriously, if you can afford a plane, you can afford a half-decent video. Hell, if you can afford the kind of heavy-duty hair dye that John is using on himself these days, you can surely afford a fucking half-decent video.
Anyway, this poorly-acted and plotless affair essentially revolves around John and Olivia getting back together for Christmas, as well as a stack of other families for no apparent reason. They just seem to be kind of tacked on in the second verse. I dunno. It’s all got this very artificial and creepy vibe to it, like they’re all part of a cult or something. I dunno, might be the Scientology wiping off on me. The dance scene near the end is particularly fucked. Maybe they all turn into aliens in the director’s cut? Who knows? All I can say is that it’s truly a Christmas nightmare we’ve got on our hands. Enjoy the fuck out of it.