Watch This If You Dare: Capture the Crown – “Ladies and Gentlemen… I Give You Hell”

“I don’t feel real today, there’s something going on upstairs…”

Christ. The internet. I tell you what. Sometimes, I love it. I really, really do. Other times, it’s responsible for fucking atrocious shit like this. Capture the Crown, for those of you blissfully unaware, are a metalcore marketer’s wet dream. They buy into all of the usual bullshit that comes with post-MySpace beat-down chugga-chugg, have a USB stick full of Facebook fans and have macro-ready lyrics about how all women are out to hurt you with their accursed vaginas.

They also make music videos. In fact, I’m pretty sure they spend more time preening for music videos than they do actually making music. Part Attack Attack!, part Asking Alexandria and part Endworld, this heavily-tattooed dick-swinging honestly feels like a parody of all the crab-stance bullshit that comes with this so-called “scene.” Then you remember that it’s all too real, and the nightmares start up again. This is cancerous. Fuck this band in the face.

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