“Stars still burn bright, seasons change overnight, as we find a way…”
Friends, we are here today to mourn the death of The Offspring. Yes, those crusty Californians who literally should have given up at least a decade ago are returning for their ninth – and potentially worst – studio album, Days Go By. No doubt you’ve already heard their Black Eyed Peas-inspired so-bad-it’s-awful pop garbage known as Cruising California (Bumpin’ in My Trunk). Yet it’s the title track – and first official single from the record – that manages to come across as so much more offensive.
The radio-rock pandering and the Foo Fighters pastiche is one thing, but the bland, slick video is another entirely. Dexter Holland is chunky, bleach-blond and apathetically playing along for the camera. Greg K looks miserable, and Noodles is seemingly going through the same mid-life crisis that he was having when Splinter came out back in 2003. I don’t know who the other guy is, and it’s not Ron Welty so I don’t care. Anyway, they’re playing in a white room with footage of people young enough to be their children driving along and jumping in pools and doing other things that kerrazy kids do these days. I don’t know, it fucking means nothing and it’s perfectly reflective of the song in that regard.
Is it hypocritical of me to accuse the Offspring of selling out when I got into them circa Americana – their platinum-selling commercial breakthrough which featured the pop hit Pretty Fly (For a White Guy)? Yeah, probably. But at least Americana had some semblance of where the band had come from, and certainly had its share of excellent songs. Days Go By threatens to be a complete and utter mess if what we’ve heard is anything to go by – and, along with Transformers, Garfield and Alvin and the Chipmunks, I’ll have lost yet another part of my childhood. Fucking hell.