“It was like James Dean for sure, you so fresh to death and sick as cancer…”
We’ve never really touched on the passing phenom of Lizzy Grant, better known to you lot as Lana Del Ray. People either find her an enthralling relief from the current batch of female pop stars or an incarnation of Satan himself. Me? I just find her unremarkabe. Spectularly unremarkable. As in, I legitimately cannot think of anything interesting about her music. The things that people say surrounding the supposed conspiracy of how “credible” or “real” she is as an artist is more engaging than anything from her debut album, Born to Die. So, I’ve kept my mouth shut. That is, until now.
What you’re about to see is one of the most turgid, faux-artistic phlegm-wads that has passed for a music video in the past few years. This is Blue Jeans, and in order to spice up a bland slice of Shirley Bassey-wannabe chanteuse stylings, director Yoann Lemoine has thrown together a clip that’s enragingly bad. What’s so awful about it? The long, drawn-out shots of Lizzy’s flat, emotionless face. The oh-so-pretentious black-and-white – being in B&W doesn’t make it look any more like a classic, honey. The deadshit they cast as the male lead, who essentially takes his shirt off, jumps in a pool, sticks his fingers down Lizzy’s throat and leaves. It starts off nowhere, it leads nowhere and stays exactly there. It’s four-and-a-half minutes and feels like it goes on for an hour. It’s drivel, basically. Any further questions, just look into Lizzy’s distant, vague eyes or her bee-sting lips. You’ll know the answer.