Watch This If You Dare: Paulini – “Fireman”

“Ooh, I’m on fire, ooh, bring me some water to cool me down…”

Do not adjust your computer screens. Yes, that is Paulini Curuenavuli; Idol alumni from the very first Australian season. And for those playing at home, this is her third attempt at a career. One MOR single that scratched the top 10 way back in like 2003 or something like that, a flop album and follow-up singles, and then one of the most unintentionally hilarious supergroups this side of Chickenfoot happened in the form of Young Divas, also made up of Idol rejects including current Excess Baggage F-lister Kate Dearugo. Naturally, that too flopped… and I get the feeling that great flops come in threes.

This isn’t just a bad video – it’s a spectularly bad video. It’s a flamboyantly bad video. It’s fabulously bad. From the homoerotic firefighters with their horrendous choreography to old mate Paulini herself busting out her severely AutoTuned rhymes (much like a fellow Idol flop, Ricki-Lee) like she was Aretha or some shit, there’s very little left to the imagination in this little ditty. I can’t tell if she’s going for sex siren or gay icon, but she’s failing dismally at both. It doesn’t help that her facial expressions indicate that she would literally rather be set on fire than perform this turgid piece of sub-Vengaboys innuendo pop.

I don’t know what else to say. If you like watching things crash and burn, I have just the thing for you.

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