The Cringe: Bec Cartwright – “All Seats Taken”

“The DJ can take a hike, cause we don’t need no chaperone tonight…

The Cringe is back for the first time since Y,WGAV!’s return! Rejoice! What better way to start us off than some more truly outstandingly bad pop from right here at home? Here’s one from almost ten years ago, given to former Home and Away actress Bec Cartwright after none of the three female finalists of Popstars won the competition. True facts. This is a Popstars reject track – and a truly abysmal one at that. It gets so much better/worse, however, when it comes to the video.

Firstly, the fashion. I know I go on about this for any clip that’s older than half a decade, but holy shit there’s some bad stuff in here. Like, inexcusably bad. Oh yeah, Bec, I find few things in life more alluring than a banana-coloured midriff singlet. And your mates! How about those turquoise short-short boardies? Yes, please! I’m pretty sure one of them is wearing leg-warmers, too. Well, shit. How am I supposed to top that?

Special shout out to the goatee’d fellas who stand idly by as Bec and co. bust some moves in what appears to be some kind of attempt to seduce them. I think the clip can pretty much be summed up by roughly 1:42 – watch out for the goatee’d fella, who looks about 10 years older than the rest of them, crack the nastiest sex-pred smile that you’ve ever seen. A delight of the senses and something truly outstanding for all ages.

As for Bec? Well, she did this 10 years ago. Her album came out 9 years ago. She’s been doing little else apart from birthin’ young-uns and cheering Lleyton Hewitt from the sidelines since 2005. What a boring existance. Come back and make some more shit videos, dude! You’re still young! There’s so much more terrible music to make. Let’s do it!


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