Watch This if You Dare: The Patience Project – “Lipstick Cabaret”

“You’re my heroin, heart-attack…”

Oh dear. Let’s brief, and I’ll give you a blow-by-blow report on the video, so press play and wait for it to load. Go ahead. I’ll wait.

Got it? Okay. See that dude with the curly hair and the guyliner strutting down the street like he’s hot shit? That’s Lee Harding. Yep, as in the Wasabi guy. Loser from Australian Idol. Good Charlotte wannabe. That guy. Who’s the chick? No freaking idea. Apparently she’s modelled for ZOO Magazine or some shit. The rest of the douchebags that make up the band are apparently ex-Kid Courageous and a bunch of other failed bands. That’s the idea they’ve gone for here – they’ve all failed miserably before and now they’re trying to sell their music again to an audience that either has no idea who they are or have since long forgotten up until this point.

Now that you’ve discovered who they are – how fucking appalling is this video and song? Like, it’s hilarious on one level, but when you realise that they’re serious it all becomes just a little fucked in the head. The dodgy garage, the cliche city-street walking, the random Asian rapper who makes the most inappropriate rap verse since Friday…this is truly rage-headache worthy. Y’know, this is probably the most famous they’re going to get – just like Lee’s last failed project, Rock City, this one is going to go nowhere fast. Still, at least it’s hilarious for now.

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