“Yo, it’s the man Mundine! You think my rapping’s a joke?”
Today, I’d like to take you back to a very, very unfortunate time in the history of Australian pop music. This takes place just after the first season of Australian Idol. Guy Sebastian may have come out the victor, but that didn’t mean a slew of finalists didn’t also get to release albums – as a matter of fact, a tonne of bands were kicked off Sony to make way for these tosspots. We’re talking acts like Shannon Noll, Cossima deVito, Rob Mills etc. One that we’re going to focus on today was a kid who didn’t even sing, but beatboxed in his audition – a sixteen year old kid called Joel Turner.
The novelty was there – ooh, look at all the funny noises he can make. That’s cute. But then, things got out of hand. He had a number one bogan anthem with These Kids, followed by a fucking album with a couple of his hoodrat mates that made up The Modern Day Poets. THEN, at the peak of awful, this happened. Anthony “The Man” Mundine attempted to rap. Now, some pretty terrible things happened in the decade past, but this has to rank amongst one of the worst ones, surely.
The whole thing is set in a boxing ring, naturally. The pure cheese aside – look, the ring girl is holding up “VERSE 1” instead of “ROUND 1” o lol – the whole video is just embarrassing. The gratuitous dancing girls, the tough-guy posing into the camera, the hideous boxing/beatboxing metaphors…oh, and let’s not forget the close-ups of Joel going boom-cha boom-cha. Just delightful stuff, really. So, ladies and gentlemen, here is Knock U Out in all of its hideous glory. I apologise for ruining your life. Again.