Watch This If You Dare: P!nk – “Fuckin’ Perfect”

“Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead…”

WARNING: This is quite a long rant with a lot of swearing. If you are a child, or are near one, please put either it or yourself away from the computer.

I am not happy with P!nk. As a matter of fact, I am really, really fucking unhappy with P!nk. Yes, I’ve stood up for her in the past – for instance, I still really enjoy her first album, and I love the video for Stupid Girls – but now it’s my turn to stand up to P!nk and tell her that it is time to STOP.

Let’s make this perfectly clear: P!nk is no longer a bastion, an icon or even a role model for girls who think that they’re “different.” It has been a slippery slope since that Stupid Girls video, my friends – she has devolved into the exact kind of trashy, needy and generally pathetic pop star that she always claimed to despise. Since Funhouse, she’s basically become a registered religion here in Australia, and while putting on a two hour show every night for forty-odd nights over a few months here in Oz is a respectable effort, it’s completely detracted from what made her unique in the first place. Now, she appeals to trashy bogan girls whose goal in life is to finish hairdressing at TAFE and push their dodgy prams around small country towns. There’s no connection with the individual – unless, of course, that individual is interested in Optus Prepaid or going to the V8s.

P!nk started out as a bold, independent popstar with something to say. Nowadays, she can’t be seen out in public without clinging on to her precious husband Corey Hart – yeah, the one that she was supposedly over but came crawling back to as soon as Funhouse dropped – and she’s completely abandoned any of her philanthrophy as far as I can tell. I could forgive all of that, though, if it wasn’t for this video. This video has placed a bullshit-filled straw on my camel’s back, and I cannot contain my anger.

So, what do we learn from this video? That P!nk actually cares about every girl who is mistreated and neglected? Give me a break. She’s a billionaire now, and more than likely does not give a fuck about the people that got her there; let alone any of the young kids she’s lead along post-Funhouse. More to the point, this is full of first-world problems – when the character hits her teens, for example, her mum won’t let her out of the house dressed like Avril Lavigne! Oh MAN, life is hard! Then she starts noticing that there are girls more attractive than her! Yep, that IMMEDIATELY means that they’re better than her, as she scratches the words “skinny bitches” into the wall as she pervs on them trying on dresses – because no-one can get along in high school! What fucking YEAR is it, P!nk? Did you come up with this generic girl-against-the-world idiocy all yourself? Does the chick from Napoleon Dynamite really deserve to be put through this?

Where it really crosses the line is where it starts getting into self-mutilation and anorexia. Trying to use this in your video in order to try and sell your fucking music is LOW. It is the lowest of the fucking low. It’s attention grabbing horseshit in order to rustle up some controversy and move some more units of your shoddy Greatest Hits package – not even when you need the fucking money, either.

And what about the moral of the story? She ends up fucking DOMESTICATED! She’s not a liberated artist, she’s got a husband and kid in a boring generic suburban house. That’s what she’s supposed to aspire to, P!nk? Just pleasing another man? I mean, Christ, the first ten seconds of the video is the guy humping the main character. Wow, nice one. I mean, just because your career is taking a downturn now that you’ve been knocked up by our old mate Corey, doesn’t mean you have to inflict that on the characters in their video – I don’t care if they are fictional! It’s fucking WRONG!

You have no soul, P!nk. Don’t even think of defending this – you do not care about outcasts, delinquents or rejects; especially when you have become one of the “beautiful people” in Hollywood’s A-list that you spent so much of your career trying to distance yourself from. Oh, and by the way? Posing yourself like you’re fucking Jesus Christ or something like that throughout your video just makes your tripe even harder to swallow. You are a hypocrite, you are an idiot and you have crossed the line with this video. There is no going back. I will never defend you again.

For more on P!nk and her connection with Go-Lo Australia, check out her entry on Things Bogans Like.

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2 responses

  1. […] Here we go. Boys and girls, I’d like to take you back to a hilarious and also very bleak, bleak time of my life – when Simple Plan ruled supreme in the pop charts. For those of you who were blissfully unaware at the time, Simple Plan were a group of whiny Canadian kids who hit the big time with singles like Shut Up and Welcome to My Life, as well as the horrid angst anthem Perfect (“I’m sorrrryyyy/I can’ttttt beeeee/perrrrrfeccccttt!”) Definitely the second worst song with Perfect in the title ever. […]

  2. […] as I was back a few months ago, when Pink  released her abhorrent video for Fuckin’ Perfect. Needless to say, I wasn’t happy. But here comes one that may have just aggravated me just a little bit further, on account of it […]

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