The Cringe: Tamara – “Ooh Ahh”

“Ooh, ahh, I lost my bra…”

I warned you this would happen. Ladies and gentlemen, for my “Tamara Jaber is the worst thing to ever happen to pop music” hat trick, I give you her very own solo video. Wanna know how forgotten this track is? The only video I was able to find of it on YouTube was a VHS rip with a whopping ninety-eight views. Amazingly, it was just uploaded two days ago – thanks for helping out The Cringe, user matthewknigh15. You are a true bastion of all that is fucking terrible, good sir.

Now, onto the song itself. This really is fucking embarrassing – I’m still failing to see how anyone involved with this in any way at all, even if they were a janitor or an electrician in the studio, could have honestly thought this was a good idea. The lyrics try really hard to be sexy, but just end up being really, really offputting. Don’t believe me? “My boyfriend gave me a kiss on the (oooh) and all the neighbours heard”. HER BOYFRIEND AT THE TIME WAS VILE FUCKING SANDILANDS. Ewwww can you imagine his big creepy body dripping all over her…I think I’m going to be sick. And the video makes out like she’s some kind of sex goddess, wearing really skanky clothing and gyrating various parts of her body as shirtless dudes try various styles of crumping and what appears to be interpretive dance in order to seal her approval. Are you kidding me? And exactly WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENS AT THE END? The video changes into a really fucked up dance-off as Jaber spouts shit like “girls are sexy/made out to Pepsi.” Shit. Fucking REALLY? Did Pepsi pay for the fucking video or something?

I don’t think I really need to say much more. Tamara Jaber, you gummy-mouthed bogan airhead gold-digging attention whore, for the love of all that is good and fucking decent, never make music again. I will seriously pay for you to go to TAFE and study hairdressing if it means you will never attempt to make music again.

Here it is. There we go. Tamara Jaber triple threat of atrocity is DONE.

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