The Cringe: Jennifer Lopez – “If You Had My Love”

“What would you do, now? What would you say?”

It’s amazing how much has changed in the past decade. Don’t believe me? For today’s Cringe, we’re going to take one of the most popular music videos from roughly a decade ago and see how well it fares now. In this instance, for Jennifer Lopez’s breakthrough hit If You Had My Love, not very well at all. For its time? State of the art and a music television staple – it even won several awards. If this came out now, though, someone in head office would think someone in creative was taking the piss.

The premise of the video is simple, but also insanely creepy. Here’s the skinny – J-Lo has her own website, right, where there are cameras in every part of her house (including the fucking bathroom) and she dances and sings around the whole joint as everyone from shirtless hunky dudes to fat tween girls watch her shake that booty about. So it’s kinda like a peepshow Big Brother thing? Creeeeepy. Why the fuck are so many people watching her online, too? Especially the “hot” guy? Surely, even in a pre-Facebook and pre-MySpace world, a dude like him could get some poon tang without hitting up the web? Also, for the year 1999 and so many people on the same site at the same time, the video quality is incredibly good on their screens and nobody’s computer crashes. If that’s not weird enough, be on the lookout for the bizarre dance sequence tacked into the video about three-quarters of the way through. The whole fucking song stops so J-Lo can do some kind of Brazilian dancing to a completely different track, only to awkwardly transition back into the original song. Do we really need to add more? This is truly shithouse music video making, and all too deserving of The Cringe. Roll on, future.

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One response

  1. […] longingly into the camera lens, throwing off the same dancemoves she’s been doing since If You Had My Love and, at the lowest point, wearing what appears to be a silver mirrorball jumpsuit. Who thought that […]

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